Reframing Our Relationships

Uncategorized Nov 05, 2021

Reframing Our Relationships

BY AMY HARPER, LMFT

"At the end of the day, our romantic relationships are teaching us about ourselves and the areas where we need to heal and evolve. It is only once we evolve that our relationships are invited to evolve."

Many of us hold onto a narrative about romantic relationships that can actually be quite detrimental. This narratives tells us that we are each half of a larger whole, that we need a partner to complete us, and that when we find this partner we will live happily ever after. It is unfortunate that we are not taught the truth about relationships at a young age. The truth is that relationships are actually meant to point out our unresolved personal development work, allowing it to resurface, so that we can tend to resolving it. Resolving our own internal wounding is the only true path to wholeness.

Many people become frustrated with their spouses for not meeting their needs, and for triggering their deepest discomforts. This however is the exact nature of romantic relationships and is what allows the individual to start inspecting the depths of their internal world. It is through the darkness that we find light.

If we do not view our romantic relationships in this way, we end up doing ourselves a great disservice- constantly finger pointing and blaming our spouse, which only triggers their deepest insecurities, and we end up in a trigger war that lead to no where good. They say it takes two people to make a pattern, but only one person to break it.

Rather than point fingers and blame your spouse anytime you feel emotionally triggered, try becoming curious as to what is actually being triggered on a deeper level and begin to question how you can start showing up for that part of yourself. 

There is so much beauty in connecting with ourselves on this deeper level. Not only does it stop the trigger wars, but it highlights the truth of what lies beneath that surface level tension. From this place empathy is born. Effective and empathy communication begins to form, and even the worst relationship challenges begin to resolve. 

Remember that your spouse is your teacher, not your enemy. He is there to point out the unresolved work within you- and you are here to do the same for him. Once we are able to reframe relationships in this way, we can begin to do the personal development work that has been calling out to us. When you stop using your relationship as a distraction from your deeper unresolved wounds, and start using it to become more consciously aware of those wounds, you can show up as committed, connected and conscious in your relationships. As we do this, our shifts in energy spark curiosity in our spouses and encourage them to embark on their own journey inward.
 
We must reframe our relationships and begin to view them in a way that helps us learn, grow, and evolve as individuals. It’s not uncommon for people to end relationships because of the lack of awareness around what their relationship was inviting them to look at, only to enter into a new relationship that eventually will invite them to look at the very same things. At the end of the day, our romantic relationships are teaching us about ourselves and the areas where we need to heal and evolve. It is only once we evolve that our relationships are invited to evolve. I invite you to step off the merry-go-round, and do the work necessary to really start enjoying your romantic relationship. 
 
 

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